11:57PM

So where was I... we were talking about the stars and something about a new beginnings... It's difficult to recall since this past month has gone by in an absolute blur. So what have I been up to? Lets see... First of all there were all kinds of deadlines that needed to be met - with the end of Semester approaching and end of the year... blah blah blah. I just kind of got caught up in everything.  There were bills to pay - which my new Brazilian neighbours helped me figure out (since none of us speak Arabic and were all lost in translation) - and there was shopping to do, and friends to meet.  And then suddenly, like some kind of Jack-In-The-Box surprise, Jeddah's weather became something truly spectacular and I just could not keep myself indoors which is surprising considering that it's still between 28C and 31C (82F - 88F) and this is mid-winter.  So the past four weeks have been non-stop work and loads of basking in this: and and ...

I was always curious to know what's happening in the stars. Not that I believe that anyone can predict the future - absolutely not. But there were definitely cosmic events at play at some point in the past that have somehow influenced my life. At least I think so. When I had this conversation with a friend and a bunch of colleagues a few months ago, I was met with wild, savage laughter. "There is no way that a planet, any planet moving around the galaxy, can have an impact on anyone", I was told.  That may be true I reckoned. And then I did something even I wasn't planning to do. I pointed to the moon - which at that point was gloriously full - and asked the group to explain to me how that ball in the sky controls our tides and all kinds of activity here on earth, including accelerated agricultural (and hair) growth and well-being, as well as influencing the behaviour of many people according to long established beliefs?  And if indeed the moon had the...

It's been a hell of a week and honestly, I would not make it through without friends like Jules and Blue rallying behind me - like they've always done over the better part of a decade. ( What? Already? Damn time flies ) In any case... it just so happened that Blue and I were up to our old antics - discovering the mysteries of the Universe and all of Life's secrets on an epic Whatsapp chat session (as usual). We decided to do one of our opposing blog posts and wanted to run through some ideas. And as usual, the banter took on a life of it's own. We decided to give everyone a sneak peak into what goes on behind the scenes in the lives of Blue and Az... mind you, there is a whole lot of 😂 going on: Blue: Where is your blog???? Az: Sorry. Just changed it. Looking for congruency. Blue : I understand. Az : I miss you. And your sarcasm. So I'm making a concerted effort at a comeback. Blue: Well, I've got plenty left, I assure you. Az:...

Sometimes it's difficult to believe and remember that nothing in life is static or predictable unless we want it to be that way - and even then nothing is guaranteed. Possibilities exist beyond our wildest imaginations. Realities can change in the blink of an eye. Everything is just a decision away. I woke up thinking of my time up in the northern parts of KSA. Prior to these years, I had never imagined that such places existed. And while I was there having this extraordinary experience, I never imagined that I would someday end up here today. Life is strange like that. We never know what awaits us.

Forgive me, while I chew on these three cashew nuts before I launch into a diatribe of this catastrophe I call Life.  Except, I'm not quite sure where to begin, dear reader. It's just that - for the first time in the six long years that I've called the desert my home - I find myself questioning my place here. And I can't quite put my finger on where it all went wrong...  Something's changed and upon further reflection, I think I've figured out exactly what that is. See, for the longest time - my entire life actually - I spent most of my time waiting for this thing to happen. Something. Anything.  I spent all my days in school, staring out at the horizon, waiting. I spent all my afternoons at University, up on the roof, counting airplanes, waiting. I spent all my time in London strolling through the streets and the halls of every art gallery, waiting. Then came the past 6 years... every year, rushing through the days... waiting. Waiting for the s...

I should enjoy Autumn since it's the season I was born in (in the Southern Hemisphere). But I find that I'm more of a Spring baby - keeping in tune with my Northern counterparts. For me, Spring smells like new beginnings & fresh days reeking with hope & promise. Autumn on the other hand always reminds me of impending doom - death knocking; calling restless souls to pass. It's the darkness that gets me, & this strange phenomenon where you're basking in the light of long summer days one moment & engulfed in black flames the next. It creeps up on us suddenly, out of no where & always leaves me emotionally unprepared for what's to come.  It's strange - these allegories we unintentionally make to justify the subtle ebb of existential angst. It mocks & taunts us - threatening to come in waves, yet remains teetering on the shore of consciousness.  It was somewhat ironic then, that I woke up today steeped in the undeniable truth that...

I woke up this morning somewhat startled, & for a moment I couldn't remember where I was. Then, at some point during the commute to work, a very vivid, distinct memory hit me out of nowhere. I was 9 or 10 years old & we were living in Cape Town - smack in the middle of winter. I remember because, who can forget those howling gale force winds rattling the back door's window panes, sounding eerily like a dead relative coming back to haunt us? I woke up habitually at 5am in the mornings & got ready for school in the dark. I drank some coffee before making the trek across the sandy heaps of the empty veld plains to stand on the corner of the main road. We stood there every morning, in the blistering wind & rain, waiting for a guy with a minibus to take us to school. It rained every morning that year, with the cold wind slapping us every which way until it sank into our bones. I used to try to shield my 6 year old sister from the nasty wind, while we...

It's surprisingly easy to get sucked into watching lifestyle shows in the middle of the night. One minute you're watching Gary cut into wooden panels for his new patio & 3 hours later you hate the coffee table Shirley chose in her home makeover. What I find intriguing is that there's always something to learn while observing these vanity projects. For one, I'm a Hoarder. I like collecting things but not just things... I love collecting memories & people too.  In my heart I keep everything and everyone that I love. In my ears you will find music - every song my soul has ever consumed, stored neatly in chronological order, ready to be devoured at any moment. There is also a special archive: my mother's voice, her embrace, as well as the sound of laughter so gentle, it still stirs & erupts my own joy. I collect it all.  Hoarding itself is not glamorous. It fits the same category as anorexia & bulimia - they're all about control & no...

Sometimes you meet someone who sets your soul on fire. It is very rare, but it does happen. And the blaze burns relentlessly, etching itself into every fiber of every membrane of your being - down to your very core - altering every corner of your existence. You cannot escape it.  To a large degree, you will find that there is not much you can do about it. There is no rationale governing the synapses and no clear scientific explanation as to why things are the way they are. Nothing adds up. It just happens. Maybe it's coincidence, maybe it's something else... Destiny. It reminds me of a photograph I once took of a spectacular sunset with Mount Vesuvius in the background. Mt. Vesuvius is famous for the volcanic eruption that drowned Pompeii in ash, only to be re-discovered centuries later. Locals believe and expect it to erupt once more, any day now. It's unpredictablility echoes in the halls of tempestuous probability - in much the same way that Destiny cavorts on t...

At some point this week, I was sitting by myself staring blissfully out of the window... blissful because for the first time in a long time, I didn't have something requiring my urgent attention. And naturally, I did what I do best. I began to think... specifically about the kind of life I spent years meticulously crafting. Thing is, from the time we're born, we're told that settling down and having bonafide roots are not only what we should aspire to, but something that we cannot function without. It's a birthright. They say. And anything other than that is simply not acceptable by any standard.  I started thinking about my life over the decades, and that no matter how much I tried to play by the rules and follow the norm, I was always thrown off course... sometimes violently, most times against my will. Why then, did I persist? Why even try? Why reach for something that's not there, was never there - something that was never even meant to be on the radar ...

I'm always making fun of the male species but to be completely honest, some of my best friends and confidants are men. Some have been around for years since my blogger and early Facebook days and others have been around for decades - way back, from my school-loathing days. They're the ones I go to for advice, when I need to think clearly, or just to vent. But most of the time, we just catch up on this thing called Life. The conversations are always honest, insightful, heartfelt and funny, and leave me in a better place - grateful that God has allowed these people into my life. Their presence reminds me somewhat of this structure "The Treasury", in Petra... solid, perennial, unwavering, enduring. (There are women too, from those same days: School, Uni, London, Blog, FB). You all know who you are.  It's wonderful to be able to share our lives with people from all over the world, at varying intervals. It's what truly connects and binds us - weaving the t...

The very first time I went to Sweden, I walked around for two days in a daze. My brain struggled to comprehend the reality I was in because it was the epitome of everything I was taught to want and desire my entire life. Even the roadside Swedish wild flowers instantly took me back to my childhood in the 80's, growing up with my Uncle in my Grandmother's house in Johannesburg - watching Heidi on Sunday afternoons with the smell of Ma's rosemary and thyme pot roast and vegetables wafting through the air.  He is barely 3 years older than I am, so we spent most of our lives together like siblings - often marvelling at this remarkable thing called destiny. He looked at me that day, and asked what was wrong. "Nothing" I said... because how do you explain your life flashing before your very eyes, while simultaneously feeling a nostalgia for a place you have never been to before - yet feel like you've known forever? Three years after that day, and we were ba...

There’s something enthralling about climbing an active volcano. The very act proposes the threat of annihilation at any moment – and yet you will not feel more alive doing so. Mother earth will not hesitate to eviscerate your ass with vigour. But in the seething cauldron churning beneath the earth’s crust, you can almost hear her fragile heart beating. For someone who’s always intrigued by death’s secrets, it becomes a game of roulette. There is something reassuring about being on a live volcano. See, with every mass destruction comes something less ominous - the birth of something new. And THAT, is always a beautiful thing.