On Saying Goodbye...

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I should enjoy Autumn since it's the season I was born in (in the Southern Hemisphere). But I find that I'm more of a Spring baby - keeping in tune with my Northern counterparts. For me, Spring smells like new beginnings & fresh days reeking with hope & promise. Autumn on the other hand always reminds me of impending doom - death knocking; calling restless souls to pass.

It's the darkness that gets me, & this strange phenomenon where you're basking in the light of long summer days one moment & engulfed in black flames the next. It creeps up on us suddenly, out of no where & always leaves me emotionally unprepared for what's to come. 

It's strange - these allegories we unintentionally make to justify the subtle ebb of existential angst. It mocks & taunts us - threatening to come in waves, yet remains teetering on the shore of consciousness. 

It was somewhat ironic then, that I woke up today steeped in the undeniable truth that time is fleeting. With that, came a somewhat surprising but clichéd epiphany - living each moment. Now. Fully. 

It's something we've all heard before. Sieze the day. Yet, how many times can we truly comprehend the enormity of this statement? 

It only hit me when I was having my coffee, thinking of the last time I was in Riyadh. I KNEW I was leaving. I KNEW that there'd be no reason to return. Yet, I never truly internalized what that meant. I never truly realized that THAT was my last day in the capital (for-most-probably-ever); a city I was well acquainted with for almost two years. 

And how many times do we do that? How many times have we said goodbye, not fully realizing it would be the last time? How many times have we enjoyed a moment, expecting more such moments to come, & they never do? How many times do we think we'll get another chance & don't? 

It borders on catastrophic - how fleeting time is. There is literally a timer on every existence & we will expire sooner or later. Yet we continue to take it for granted. So I decided this morning that I want to live all of my remaining time, in its full glory, without another minute to waste. I want to embrace every atom in every moment, holding on tight, until it's time to let go.

Comments

  1. Blue GrumpsterNovember 10, 2019 at 7:47 AM

    How many times have we said goodbye, not fully realizing it would be the last time?

    Too often. I remember saying goodbye to my Grandma, and I didn't know it was the last time I'd see her alive. Thinking back, I suspect she knew. She gave me that look when I said, "Next time we'll go for a ride in my car, okay?" She smiled but it was a smile I'd never seen before and one that will haunt me forever. Seize the day... I remember watching Dead Poets Society when I was 20, thinking I knew what that sentiment meant. I knew nothing. Absolutely nothing.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. AzNovember 10, 2019 at 8:48 AM

      I don't think any of us really, truly, know Blue.

      Delete

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