On Destiny...

At some point this week, I was sitting by myself staring blissfully out of the window... blissful because for the first time in a long time, I didn't have something requiring my urgent attention. And naturally, I did what I do best. I began to think... specifically about the kind of life I spent years meticulously crafting.

Thing is, from the time we're born, we're told that settling down and having bonafide roots are not only what we should aspire to, but something that we cannot function without. It's a birthright. They say. And anything other than that is simply not acceptable by any standard. 

I started thinking about my life over the decades, and that no matter how much I tried to play by the rules and follow the norm, I was always thrown off course... sometimes violently, most times against my will. Why then, did I persist? Why even try? Why reach for something that's not there, was never there - something that was never even meant to be on the radar by any measure? 

We're taught in Islam to accept the path that God has chosen for us, but that we do have free will. So how free is your will if your choices aren't adhered to? What if, all we ever had to do was sit back and let things happen? But! But, Islam also says we should tie our camels... alas, err on the side of caution. Take risks, but damn you, you're not going to get what you want unless it's meant for you and it's hardly ever meant for you is it? Tsk tsk. 

It's all exhausting, really. 

So I sit here and think. Maybe, just maybe it was never in my destiny to have any roots. And maybe, just maybe, my roots are yet to be established - perhaps in another time, in another place. And maybe, just maybe, what is required from me is to not be rigid in what I want. And maybe, just maybe, this isn't where it ends... and that there's a lot more waiting, beyond the borders of my wildest dreams. And maybe, just maybe, it's time to leave the desert to find out.