On Tinder, Having Balls, and Generational Wars
So there I was, sitting with my coffee and scrolling through Facebook on a Friday morning when I came across this video by Simon Sinek and Tom Bilyeu on what's missing in the Millenial generation.
And
my good Lord, I have never ever come across a description of Millennials - especially
in this current wave of Generational Wars - that is better articulated and
elucidated. If ever! Sinek eloquently highlights the growing epidemic
of failed parenting strategies coupled with the increasingly delusional world
of technology – highlighting how technology feeds our delusions while simultaneously
breaking down communication and relationships among people. (It’s a 16 minute video
but I highly highly recommend investing the time to watch it).
Now
as someone who is considered a part of both Gen X and the Millennial Generation (right on the
cusp), I can understand both sides of the spectrum better than most. But I must
admit, Sinek hit that ball right out of the park especially with his comments on Impatience
and Instant Gratification. I have long held the opinion that the biggest
problem among the younger generations is that they are too impatient and have
become so accustomed to Instant Gratification that they don’t really know how
to endure life, relationships, work… basically anything. In some instances, I've been guilty of aspects of these too. Sinek highlights and mirrors these
beliefs around minute 9:00.
Fast
forward two days later, when I came across this fascinating article on “Tinder Confessionsin India”, and many of Sineks views were once again consolidated in the stories
told within… one story in particular…
If
you scroll down to the very last anecdote, you meet a young exchange student in
Vienna, Austria, dipping her feet into the cold waters of European Tinder exchanges
with a slightly paler version of a Dutch-Punjabi guy she knew back home.
Long story short
– they clicked immediately and embarked on a wonderous evening that is a page
straight out of the Before Sunrise movie manuscript. He was everything she never expected – witty, charming,
warm, engaging… - so much so that they exchanged numbers at the end of the evening and
proceeded to stay in contact. He wanted her to cook for him and invited himself
over… so it was all coming together beautifully… except that it wasn’t.
See – in typical Millennial fashion (including
Generations Y & Z here) – what was initially a natural raging fire burning furiously,
turned out to be nothing more than a proverbial mirage of red lights in a
questionable district. He called and cancelled at the last minute because boo fucking hoo… his EX girlfriend caught him using Tinder and he didn’t want this poor
exchange student to be a part of his pansy coward ass's “confusion”.
And so, she was left hanging, as many of us were
at some point in recent history, whilst cavorting with our dalliances in this new fickle age defined
by an assortment of commitment phobes riding the next wave of Instant Gratification.
Added insult to injury is the sheer irony and pure mindfuck that are the expectations of some of the more traditional among these mercurial youth. I've personally encountered many seeking the values, customs and conventions of more traditional relationships, but on a part-time basis. Half the work, all the benefits. Better yet, NO work and ALL the benefits if you must.
I've seen women who want men to work and provide everything material - yet they're not willing to take on the roles that balance and even out that kind of partnership. And I've seen men wanting women who will cook and take care of them and slave days away - but have no interest in being real MEN, or taking any responsibility or accountability of any kind, or have any kind of respect for the institution. Player for life innit.
Added insult to injury is the sheer irony and pure mindfuck that are the expectations of some of the more traditional among these mercurial youth. I've personally encountered many seeking the values, customs and conventions of more traditional relationships, but on a part-time basis. Half the work, all the benefits. Better yet, NO work and ALL the benefits if you must.
I've seen women who want men to work and provide everything material - yet they're not willing to take on the roles that balance and even out that kind of partnership. And I've seen men wanting women who will cook and take care of them and slave days away - but have no interest in being real MEN, or taking any responsibility or accountability of any kind, or have any kind of respect for the institution. Player for life innit.
It’s fucked up. To think that we live in a
generation where people are easily disposable, and that people would easily
give up a good thing for a good time. It is heart-breaking. And this ultimately goes
back to not having the basic skillset in being able to endure the time, effort and work that goes into
developing and maintaining anything – a career, a meaningful relationship with
anyone, tough times… anything.
You will find men/women who have a great thing
going with a great human being, but instead of enjoying what they have and
building on it, they constantly have one eye out looking/ waiting/ searching for
something or someone better. Subsequently, they ruin a good thing by not doing the work it takes to nurture or sustain the relationship, while waiting for that something “better” that never arrives.
Whatever expectations our ancestors held for us –
however little – we have incontestably and unquestionably failed them. Entire generations have gone
to wars; fought through famine and different ages, struggling to survive… for what? This? There has never been a greater argument for the diligent use of contraception.
Millenials will be the end of the world!
ReplyDeleteI'm inclined to agree Dezmond!
DeleteYeah, there are so many who are lazy arses. Soooooooooooo many. Women want to do nothing at all and have that fairy tale BS Disneyfied relationship right off the bat. Men want to do nothing and have women bend to their every whim thinking they are God's gift. Both types need to get a grip or go play in traffic. That whole instant gratification thing has leaked into every part of life. I'm guilty of it at times too, but not the main things. They take work.
ReplyDeleteAnd on the flip side there are also men and women who are afraid to date or afraid they'll never find someone so they settle for someone they kinda like, kinda wanna be with, kinda hate, kinda...etc. and then they are miserable.
No wonder I'm a monk lol
Pat - I think we're all susceptible to our lives changing as we move into the technological age but when ones behavior becomes destructive to the point that it starts affecting other people, that THATs a problem.
DeleteMy favourite saying this year is that comparison is the thief of joy. It's the what-if of something better out there and wanting to get it - as soon as possible and as fast as you possibly can. I'm definitely guilty of it. And the lesson in patience is that much harder because of it. But learning patience is not avoidable. The way I see it, you can either make it easier or harder on yourself by practicing
ReplyDeleteRuth - Comparison only exists because we have so many choices - thanks to Techonology. Never before have we had this amount of information available to us and yet we're dumber than ever before. And I genuinely think irresponsibility is a byproduct of this abundance of choices that we have because why should you settle for something that requires work when there are 10 more to choose from? In the past, people were blissfully ignorant of what was around them.
DeleteI don't think I could have said any of this better. I'm on the cusp of boomers and Gen X and don't claim either. :) I raised kids who could be considered Millennials. Both went off the responsibility diving board, but one is turning around and trying to root. It's very exciting to see that something good can come from that endless freedom...
ReplyDeleteHi Snowcatcher - There are definitely degrees on which people are placed on that Millennial scale... and it all depends on the environment you were reared in. Great to hear that your kid is coming around.
DeleteI hate the term Millennial (probably b/c I am one). I'm 31 years old and hear it thrown around all the time. While I see our downfalls and how technology gave a platform for the loudest idiots to yell, I find it ridiculous to discriminate against an entire generation. It's been said to me many times now, there is good people and bad people in every generation. I've been with my husband for almost 8 years now, I never once viewed him as disposable or vice versa. My personal belief is that indiscretions are more easily seen thanks to advancements in technology. Women are also more capable of financially supporting themselves so they are leaving relationships with unfaithful or bad men. Before women used to grin and bear it because they felt "stuck", so they kept all indiscretions a secret. Things change, technology advances, culture shifts, society transforms.. but it doesn't make any generation better than the other.
ReplyDeleteJax - I can imagine. Like I said - there is a rather large Millennial Spectrum and many factors (like environment and upbrining) determine where you are now. You are certainly one of the exceptions... basically, if I had to quantify my opinions and say (for example) that I know 1000 Millennials. Out of those 1000, a solid 800 qualify for the general statements made in this post - purely based on the people I know and of course I do not know everyone in the world :)
DeleteI totally agree that there are lots of idiots in every generation. I also tend to agree that everyone suddenly became very sensitive and LOUD! My brother is (3) years younger than me. He's by no means a "millennial" in the descriptive sense. Married, steady job, great father, etc.. but he is sooo sensitive! I have a team of about 30 direct reports under me. They are of all classifications of people. I hire based on qualifications and the social variety just happens naturally. Anyway, I get an e-mail from HR telling me that I have to hire a minority for an open req. I felt some sort of way about that for many reasons (mostly political) that I won't get into here, but my main point is- I hire based on qualifications. Well, my brother and his wife looked me dead square in the eye and say "You should take a class on discrimination." I almost fell off my chair! You don't know me IRL, but trust me when I say I am the most open and accepting person in the world. To hear it coming from my brother who questioned a transgender like a science experiment made me 500 times more mad. What happened to everyone just existing together and us being happy that we're all alive and well? Everything became political, insulting, and siloed (is that a word?). This is dictatorships take over. You join a cause, team, or whatever and then let them think for you. If you don't agree with their perceptions, you get attacked or bullied into their beliefs. Why can't I have a team full of minorities without agreeing on others' perception of discrimination? I'm ranting, and I'll totally stop because I somehow went from millennials to dictatorship. lol!!
DeleteWelcome to the over-sensitive generation Jax. I get that things may not have been ideal in previous generations/decades, but people definitely had tougher skins!
DeleteMy daughter is 28 so I see a lot of the millennial generation in her friends. Thankfully she's got a good head on her shoulders but some of her friends just make me lose my mind at some of the things they say and think.
ReplyDeleteDating for the younger generation is just weird. So weird. My husband and I have been together for almost 30 years but her generation seems to think that relationships are just completely disposable. They don't even have to see each other to break up anymore, they can just block the other person on all social media and their phone and never have to speak to them again. It's crazy.
Yes Mary - relationships and dating in this day and age is akin to torture. And it's worse so for people like me who are still somewhat "old school" and trying to keep up with these fickle generations. It's depressing - really!
DeleteI recently read an article by a guy who is really upset about Instagram latest change, which hides "Likes" from anyone other than the one posting. The guy's rage sounded unbalanced, even alarming. I'm slightly ashamed to say that my first thought was, Hm, Millennial madness hits again. After reading a bit further, I realized the man is a Boomer. Madness (and lack of sense) discriminates against no one.
ReplyDeleteVery true Magaly - madness does not discriminate. I think in the age of technology, "likes" is just a form of validation that people would've ordinarily gotten from being "homecoming king/queen" - that type of thing. The danger is that this type of false or fickle approval has proven to increase people's dopamine levels - so it acts like a drug. And of course, we don't ever get rid of our addictions - we just substitute them.
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