On Late Night Ruminations...

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It's after 10pm and what should be a quiet school night is marred by the sound of sirens in the distance. I should be sleeping, but given that I had a slight fever earlier and that I ate a piece of ginger the size of my thumb to numb the ache in my throat - my tummy burns. Add to that, there's a very well timed childish shriek coming from next door.

But... my ironically heavily medicated insomnia can be attributed to more than just noisy kids or the stifling hot air outside, or the sound of a thousand AC's humming a cold lullaby in the distance. 

I'm tired. I have a lot on my mind and even more to do on an ever growing list of things that need to be done. I don't seem to win. That was never in my destiny. And I'm running out of time. 

Actually, these days I find myself running all the time, willingly & unwillingly. 

Scroll through Instagram. Argentina. Imagine, right now, someone on the other side of the world is having an afternoon cup of tea / coffee, and getting ready to go home to their family. 

Scroll. Australia. Imagine, right now, someone is waking up on the other side of the world, getting ready to go to work. Blows my mind every time. 

Scroll. A pregnant woman. 

Scroll. A woman with a baby.

Scroll. Imagine, I will probably never have a baby or kid of my own. Sadness. Imagine life 10, 20 years from now... there's nothing in my peripheral vision or in my crystal ball. Another timely shriek from next door and I suddenly don't think that's necessarily a bad thing. 

Scroll. Greta Thundberg in an old TED talk. She imagines herself in the year 2070. I can barely think beyond 10 years from now. What becomes of us? 

I'm suddenly more agitated. Longing for the cold dark abyss of death. Not that I'll get it. I never get what I want. 

A sigh. A doorbell ringing. Voices next door muffled into the walls. I wonder briefly, if it will always be like this. In many ways, nothing's changed over the decades, so there's no reason to believe it will change now. And yet, fate plays these games before it throws down the gauntlet, ready to twist the knife and set your world on fire. One can only pray for good things to come.

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